Diaper Training

20 09 2010

My daughter SHOULD be potty-trained.  Also, my cats SHOULD use the litter box.  Here is the thing, SHOULD just isn’t happening around here.

Please don’t send me tips about litter box problems, or the more professional term, inappropriate elimination.  Depending where you get your tips, you may actually be quoting me to me.  I spent way to much time counseling wonderful, disappointed and dismayed pet guardians on how to get Fluffy to use the box.  Sometimes Fluffy just won’t listen.

What I am saying is I am already cleaning urine off the carpet on a regular basis.      And really, what is wrong with diapers?  In fact, I actually want to diaper train the cats.   I may even diaper train myself and my husband.  It could make long car rides just a little shorter.

And yet we have the following selections on our shelves. 

“It’s Potty Time” is my kids’ favorite because when you push the button it makes the sound of a really loud toilet flushing followed by maniacal laughter.  It sounds more like the soundtrack from an anti-bullying public service announcement (swirly anyone?) than a potty training book.

My favorite is this one. 

It was published in 1986 and is very sincere, as Mister Rogers always is.  It also uses correct biological terms for the output, unlike the other books, one of which actually gives you options by placing an asterisk after the words pee-pee and poo-poo.  The footnote says, “Feel free to substitute words of your choice.”  It has the same asterisk after the words Mommy and Daddy with the same exact footnote – hmmmmm.

These books are laying around my house taunting me because the truth is, I am afraid of many public restrooms.  And I am pretty sure that if your kid is toilet trained and says, “Mommy, I have to go.” that means you have to go to the closest bathroom.  Not the cleanest or largest, but the closest.  I am not a germ-a-phobe but I can visualize perfectly trying to hold PJ over the bowl, my face dangerously close to the rim, while Little Dude wanders around sticking his fingers in every trap door, trash can and toilet bowl he sees.  Why would I want to do this?  Why wouldn’t I just keep them in diapers until they are old enough to either hold it for a very long time, or until they have their driver’s licenses and can get themselves to a proper toilet?

My other issue with potty training is the amount of time you have to spend in the bathroom WAITING.  I’m not patient and either is Little Dude.  So when he gets tired of crashing the toilet seat down on his sister’s head he wanders out of the bathroom to torture the cats, climb on the kitchen counters or play in the dog’s water bowl.  And I am just thinking HURRY UP… but nowhere in the potty books does it suggest the Mommy should yell, “HURRY UP.”

Occasionally I put PJ on the toilet and read a few of the books to her.  And just as the books predict “nothing happens.”  When I was looking at these books yesterday I actually had the following thought, verbatim… “Those books bug the crap out of me.”  And then I thought, “I wish they would do the same for PJ.”  At least that would speed up the process.




2 responses

20 09 2010

HA HA HA at your last paragraph!!

We aren’t anywhere near this stage yet. DREADING it.

Re: the litterbox. Will it make you feel any better if I say that my cat pooped on the floor a few days ago and THE BABIES FOUND IT BEFORE I DID? Giant, giant mother fail.

20 09 2010

I totally retrained him to go back in the diaper. ONly when he’s wearing one and he will for like… when I know we’re going to be on the road for a while.. cause with his controlling behavior he thinks avery 10 minutes he needs to pee… unless of course he’s wearing the diaper. Or when we go to a ‘festival’ or fair or soemthing…. there is no way I’m hitting porta potty anything so… nope. The good thing with boys.. is you can just drop trow just about anywhere and if anyone looks sideways… just shrug and say ” potty training toddler… what are ya gonna do?”

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