C.A.P Hits A New High

17 12 2010

This morning’s plan to finally go check out a local church’s “Mother’s Morning Out” program was derailed when Little Dude fell off the dining room table.  Yes, table, not chair.  And to be perfectly honest he climbs up on the table multiple times everyday.  And we take him down and tell him “no” multiple times everyday.  In fact I am pretty sure I knew he was up there.  But I was trying to be a good mother.  Which means instead of taking my kids to the drive-through bagel store or McDonald’s where we can eat with them strapped safely in their car seats, I decided to cook them eggs and biscuits and to empty out our nasty refrigerator at the same time.  See, what trying to be a good parent will get you?

After the fall, he did not lose consciousness or show any other signs of serious damage, but he became fairly lethargic.  Even after I wore him in the Ergo for awhile he still refused to eat.  So I called the doctor’s office fully expecting them to say, “Stop worrying.”  Instead they said, “Bring him in.”  So I did.  And he is fine.

When we got home I dragged the Pac-N-Play (PNP) in from the garage.  Since I can’t get rid of all of our furniture, I guess the only way to keep Little Dude safe is to keep him in a cage.

As soon as I mentioned the Pac-N-Play PJ begged me to set it up.  So I did, and she climbed in.  I also put Little Dude in it.  PJ was thrilled, Little Dude wasn’t.  I unpacked groceries and started to prepare lunch.  Eventually I put Little Dude in his high chair and gave him pre-lunch.  By that time PJ was climbing out of the PNP onto the back of the couch and over the top.  I of course told her this was not a good idea.  But I honestly was not super worried about it.  Bet you know what’s coming next…

She somehow flipped off the front of the couch cutting her chin and biting the inside of her cheek REALLY bad.  If I thought they put stitches inside of mouths I probably would have taken her to the doctor.  Yes the same doctor whose office we had just left an hour before.

Maybe I would have called Children and Family Services on the drive over.  That way when the doctor’s office decided I was either beating my kids or just a run-of-the-mill unfit mother I wouldn’t have had to wait so long for the social worker to arrive.

*C.A.P = Crappy Assed Parenting


Epilogue:  Tonight for the first time in 228 days I was not responsible for putting either of my children to bed.  My husband took care of it while I was out Christmas shopping.  Do you think he was afraid if I didn’t get a break soon someone was going to get seriously hurt?




4 responses

18 12 2010

Funny, funny, funny! I’m glad you at least got out of bedtime 🙂

18 12 2010

So, as my son (aka, Little Dude’s twin) was proceeding to crawl on top of the kitchen table for the 20th time today (currently under Dad’s watch), I told Dad “Hey, you should go check out Kerry’s blog post today. It’s on my favorites.” (it was my intention to educate him on the dangers and potential injuries of crawling on the kitchen table).

And he did. And guess what the only thing he got out of it was? “Honey, she’s put her kids to bed for 228 consecutive days. I need a wife like THAT!”

20 12 2010

I hate to break it to ya, but they DO in fact put stitches inside of mouths. Not that I’m saying PJ needed stitches, but it’s an option should this scene repeat itself in the future. CRAP, did I just jinx you??

20 12 2010

You need a new title: N.A.P. Normal Assed Parenting. You’re doing great!

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