Missed Connections Classified

10 02 2011

Ineffective Mother of Two Out-Of-Control Toddlers Seeks Laid-Back Mother of Two High-Spirited Toddlers

Where did you go?

I was you, just a few days? weeks? months? ago.  I honestly can’t remember how long.  I honestly can’t think straight.

I don’t know when I crossed the line from you to me, but I want to find my way back, quick.

Today, I was mortified when I was leaving the mall hearing myself yabber (in a less-than-pleasing, even Steven Tyler would say my voice sucks, squeak) at my whining, wiggling, trying to get themselves killed in traffic, spawn.  Today, I knew, when I heard myself say to PJ, “If you don’t do X, I will do Z.”  I knew, that both she and I knew, that there was no chance in hell I was going to do Z even if X never, ever happened.

That was the moment I recognized that I crossed the line from the old, laid-back you, to the new, incredibly ineffective me.  So I turned around and looked and looked and looked for the line to see when I crossed it.  But I can’t see the line.  How far back is it?  Will I recognize it when I see it?  If I get a little lost when I am looking for it, what will happen?

I am pretty sure if I make one wrong turn while searching for the line I will end up in the mental hospital.  Say, do they let you read there?  What about going to the bathroom alone?  How is the internet access?

Wait, wait, wait… I am sure I would rather be a mother with low standards than wear a state issued jumpsuit.  Okay, that isn’t even true, I would be fine with the uniform.  I just don’t want to have to hang out with all those crazy people.

So, Laid-Back-But-Fairly-Effective Mother, come home.  Your family needs you, even if at first you might not recognize your out-of-control children.

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6 responses

10 02 2011
Meg DeZutti

(a) how did you get inside my head and (b) damnit you’re a better writer than I am.
I am doing what I said I would never do: be a bad example for Sam. I yell. ALL.THE.TIME. I yell mostly at the dog but I sometimes yell at Gregg and Sam in front of Sam. It’s usually something like “G-D Lola Why the HELL did you just pee on the couch!!!” and it seems like a normal thing to say at the time but then Sam starts yelling at Lola. Or Sam has hit me in the face 3 times while screaming NO and I scream back “TIME OUT NOW!”
How did this happen?
If you find your way back, please throw me a rope or some breadcrumbs

10 02 2011
Sarah

“Wait, wait, wait… I am sure I would rather be a mother with low standards than wear a state issued jumpsuit. Okay, that isn’t even true, I would be fine with the uniform. I just don’t want to have to hang out with all those crazy people.”

hahahaha! That will be my mantra this week. “Low standards are better than crazy. Low standards are better than crazy.”

11 02 2011
Cazadora

I need to write some of your books down. My problem is not TV vs. Read, its Internet vs. Read, oooooaaaack! the seduction of my computer, it is awww to the ful(l).

You’re lucky, Laid Back Mama lived within you once, maybe she just took a short sabatical. Here she never found a warm home and a bowl of soup, sadly. Type-A Tighty Wad Pants Mama moved in from the git-go here, and she never fled or wheedled out the door.

11 02 2011
Christine

I’m sorry, but just look at that picture. Those two kids are obviously conspiring against you. They are not out of control. I think they know exactly what they are doing.

11 02 2011
Shonda

Oh my … I could have written this post. How in the world two toddlers can hold such power over a grown, logical woman is so beyond me. They have crazy mystical powers to make you (me) INSANE, and perhaps on days (like yesterday) I really need that state issued jumpsuit. I keep telling myself, soon they will be grown and I’ll miss this time (but then sometimes I yell “NO I WON’T!!!!”

12 02 2011
Tonggu Momma

Oh, this one made me laugh. And I can’t believe I’m gonna be starting again with a toddler soon. Now that the Tongginator is nearly seven, I feel like my brain is finally starting to return, only to realize that it will disappear again sometime this summer when we adopt again.

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