A year ago today, in a court room in Addis Ababa, my husband and I were declared Little Dude’s legal parents.
We didn’t know our court date was scheduled, let alone that we passed, until March 29th. And the way we found out, well, it colored our relationship with our agency. There were multiple phone calls, bold-faced deception and a whole lot of yuck. And silly, silly me, I would not put all the pieces together until months later. Despite seeing and recognizing the obvious, I refused to internalize it. I just kept believing that the agency and our family were partners. That we had the same goals. That our relationship was one of mutual trust. Silly, silly me.
To this day, I still believe our agency is acting ethically on the ground in Ethiopia. But as I lay in bed with Little Dude tonight, waiting for his body to relax into sleep, thinking about what an important date this is in our family’s history, I also spent lots of energy rehashing how our agency treated us. I pondered what is and isn’t okay to talk about when it comes to agencies. And lay wondering, “Why do I hesitate to talk about what happened?” But I realized that is all for another post (maybe on the 29th – the anniversary of us finding out about our court date.) And trust me, it isn’t nearly as exciting as I made it out to be – I’m just not good at letting go of stuff.
What DO I want to spend the rest of my night thinking about? How lucky I am. How strange and amazing the world is. How our planet is so very, very small. How our capacity to love is so very, very large.
How adoption may be born out of tragedy, or great need, or less than ideal circumstances, but it also represents the best that humans can be. No, not me – the “saintly adopter”, but all the government employees, all the nannies, all the hard-working, go-betweens who picked up on different threads of Little Dude’s life and held them strong. All the ethical individuals who faced down the Compassion Fatigue that comes from working in a difficult field and held Little Dude tight, until the threads of our lives and the threads of his life could be woven together.
We are so grateful.