Reality Check

8 09 2011

I find my inability to get myself and the two kids out of the house in less than 20 minutes one of the most frustrating parts of parenting.  I am sure we are ready to go, we simply need shoes, my purse, phone, keys and we are out the door.  Eighteen minutes later we are still in the house.  At this point there has likely been one, or all, of the following; tears, yelling, threats, muttering, pushing, singing, corrections and general chaos.  (And there is no reason to tell you which human undertakes which action – because we have all engaged in all of them at one point or another.)

By the time we get to the minivan I am usually worn out.  But I have to be on my game or I make the silly mistake of allowing Little Dude to step into the van while I am not holding onto some part of his body.  If that happens – well – game on!  Front seat, back seat, passenger seat, driver’s seat, over the back of a seat, visor down, radio tuned, laughter and giggles as I walk around the outside of the van trying to think of a new tactic that will get him to stop and wishing my arms were six inches longer and my reflexes were more Ninja-esque.

Today was different.  We were simply leaving the house to walk to a playground.  The kids were fairly well-rested and even ate a snack.  I also managed a mid-day mental break so I was feeling creative and energetic.  I used a combination of my newest parenting tricks (the ones that seem to be working this week and probably won’t work at all next) to get us out the door relatively quickly and peacefully.

As we were walking up the driveway I had a little self-congratulatory monologue playing in my head.  We stopped to watch a squirrel, and I felt great.  We walked 10 more feet and I felt something drop from above stinging my neck and splashing on my shoulder.

It is official, I have been shat upon by a squirrel.

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7 responses

8 09 2011
motherparadox

Oh. My.

Friend, that is terrible. Squirrels are more disgusting than birds. But I always figured their scat was solid, not splashy and stingy.

See here:

http://www.wildlife-removal.com/squirrelpoop.html

Are you have been shat upon by a squirrel?

8 09 2011
rebekah

Shoot it. Shoot that mf’er.

9 09 2011
Cazadora

Shat upon by a squirrel?! Are you sure that happened to you and not me, it seems thematic to my life right now.

I’m so sorry. Could Bushy Tail not have the decency to wait a few seconds longer? The manners of squirrels these days have seriously spiraled downward. Shame.

PLEASE disclose your new parenting trick to get you out the door more smoothly. Tricks wanted.

9 09 2011
Scooping it up

I TOTALLY hear you about trying to leave the house. My trick to leave: put the four of them in one at a time, and while they are strapped in, in the van, then take a few minutes to get dressed, pee, pack snacks. Because with God as my witness if I did it while they are hanging on me, fighting, crying, etc, we will never leave. And I will never pee.
And Rebekah’s comment about shooting the mf’er resonated with me on a spiritual level.

9 09 2011
Captain Murdock

Okay, in my ever so humble opinion (which I highly regard), squirrels are just rats with good PR. And who knew their shat was liquid. Maybe this squirrel has giardia?

And I feel your pain about loading children. I follow Scooping-it-up’s plan though. Strap kids in first, then slowly worry about collecting shoes, jackets, etc. They may be screaming, but I know they are not physically harming one another and that they are safely strapped into their seats in the comfort of the garage. Sometimes, I must confess, I really take my time in collecting the necessaries (and peeing). Sometimes I’m tempted to never get in the van 🙂

9 09 2011
Shiloh

I’m sorry, I can’t quit laughing. I hope your day got back on track after you cleaned up the squirrel…..droppings:)

12 09 2011
Tesi

a-freaking-mazing.

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