An Open Letter

22 09 2011

Dear Car Interior Engineers,

Do you have a car?

Do you eat french fries?

What about change?  Do you carry change?  Need change?  Use Change?

The car is not a new invention – nor is the coin – nor is the drive-through.

You have had years to fix this problem.

Maybe your punishment should be that you are forced to get all of your meals from the cracks between the seats of cars until you figure out how to design the interior of cars better.

The first couple meals will be easy, especially if you have long, skinny fingers.  But then you will sit and look and you will see french fries, pretzels, other yummy goodness.  And you will see money, lots and lots of coinage.  And you will be thinking, “I can get those salty snacks out of there.”  And you will be thinking, “I think there is enough money down there that I could buy a soda to go with the salty snacks.”

But YOU CAN’T.  You can never, ever, ever get all of the snacks and money out.  Not with a vacuum, not with a straw you found under the seat, and not even with a chop-stick you went into the house to get thinking, “This has to work.”

Your efforts won’t be for naught.  You will force a few of the coins into crevices that you didn’t know existed.  They will disappear.  You will move the seat forward, backward.  You will lay on your stomach, arms outstretched trying to figure out where that dime just went.  You will never find out.  Your car will look a little cleaner and the dimes won’t be taunting you every time you put your seat-belt on.  But they will also still be there, somewhere.

And you will think, “Who designed this?  Where did they go to school?  Don’t they have a car?  Don’t they ever eat french fries?”

It is my deepest wish that all engineers around the world would stop what they are working on right now and go to work on one of two projects:  1)  a car with no crevices 2) personal jet packs.

I think we have all waited long enough.

Sincerely,

Semi-Feral Mama

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6 responses

22 09 2011
rebekah

My phone keeps sliding down in that crack, and I’ve nearly broken my hand trying to get it out. I do, every time, with a book as a pry bar. But I never learn.

22 09 2011
Captain Murdock

And dear engineers – how’s about making the seats mascara proof. Thanks!

22 09 2011
Shiloh

Murdock, why do you get mascara on your car seats??? That’s a little odd!

SFM I completely agree. I also recently pulled 20 feet of plastic from under my passenger seat too. I thought it was trash and kept pulling and pulling and pulling and finally just ripped it apart so as to not take all the plastic. Is my front seat padded with plastic?? I have no idea.

22 09 2011
Captain Murdock

Shiloh – Well, you know, anything can happen ???

For example, baby boy could sneak off, break into SFM’s car, rummage through her purse, find mascara and rub it all over his face and her upholstered car seat. Hypothetically speaking, of course! Because, what kind of mom (or dad) wouldn’t be keeping their eye on said baby boy. Not I.

22 09 2011
Semi-Feral Mama

It all turned out great. Because following that hypothetical incident a certain Captain told me to try cleaning it with a baby wipe. Who knew a baby wipe could get mascara off a car seat.
I now use baby wipes for everything.
In fact I haven’t showered since the 4th of July – but we are going through a lot of baby wipes.

23 09 2011
Tesi

a-effing-men. My husband and I were just talking about it. For what it’s worth-my Honda Pilot is in the shop and so I’m borrowing my dad’s Cadillac Escalade (don’t ask). Turns out the more expensive cars don’t have that nasty abyss. Go figure.

Regardless, at last estimation, the crack in my drivers seat alone contains as follows in my car: 42 french fries, $4 worth in coins, 2 YMCA cards, 1 phone battery and many, many self contained cuss words.

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