Reporting Child Sexual Abuse – A Step-by-Step Guide

8 11 2011

In case you are one of those smart people who I wish to emulate, the kind who doesn’t watch tv, listen to the radio or read news stories, you may not know that there is a major child-sex-abuse case in the media.  If you are interested you can read more here and about a million other places.  But I don’t necessarily recommend it.  In fact, if you prefer I can summarize it for you…

One man, who seems to have enjoyed a powerful position within a NCAA sports empire started a not-for-profit serving at-risk youth.  And, he was a pervert.  Over the course of more than 13 years he has been caught in the act of sexually abusing young boys MORE THAN ONCE.  LOTS of people knew.  Lots of people did their “duty” to report what they knew to their superiors, and to the authorities.  After that, NO-ONE did anything.  And more kids were abused.  And more kids were abused, And more kids were abused.  Shame on every last one of those involved.  You all make me sick.  There are no excuses.

So, for future reference, I am creating a step-by-step guide as to what to do should you come upon an adult sexually abusing a child.

1)  Physically separate the child from the adult.

2)  Punch the adult.  There are many options to this step.  Here is what I would personally do.  First, scratch the hell out of his face.  This serves three purposes a) collecting DNA evidence under your nails b) leaving marks for all the world to see including law enforcement officials c) it hurts.  Second, I would knee the guy in the genitals.  Because he deserves it and because it would feel sort-of fun.  (And my life would be  about to get complicated and not-fun-at-all so this might be the last chance to blow off steam for a while.)

3)  Look at the child and say the following, “This is NOT YOUR FAULT.  You did nothing wrong.  I will protect you from now on.”

4)  Call the police.

5)  If possible find another adult who can stay with you and the kid while you wait for the police.  This person is there to be a witness so if the case gets turned upside down in the future it will be clear you did nothing wrong.  Also, if the RAPIST (let’s stop calling this person the accused or the perpetrator and call him what he is: A RAPIST) is still there, the other adult can hold him down while waiting for the police.  Uncomfortable wrestling holds are strongly encouraged.  Basically you are making a citizen’s arrest so you can do anything a cop would do – okay, not ANYTHING a cop would do – but you do have plenty of leeway.

6)  Look at the kid again and say these words,  “This is NOT YOUR FAULT.  You did nothing wrong.  I will protect you from now on.”

7)  Call your lawyer.

8)  Do not say anything else to anyone until your lawyer arrives.  You can give the police your identification and point out the RAPIST.  But you probably shouldn’t say anything else.

9)  The exception to the no talking rule is the following… You must look at the child at least once every five minutes and say, “This is NOT YOUR FAULT.  You did nothing wrong.  I will protect you from now on.”

If you have any questions about this step-by-step guide I suggest you talk to your deity and/or an adult who was raped as a child.   (I can give you the email of a few of my friends who experienced this.)

Do you have a written policy at work or through an organization you are involved in that has a different step-by-step policy??  I don’t care.  And neither does your deity.  And neither does a child who has been raped.

It is time that ALL ADULTS stop this crap from happening.  We may not be able to stop the creep the first time.  But we surely can stop him after that.  There is no excuse.

There is no excuse.




8 responses

8 11 2011

Hells yeah. I have spent the last 5 years counselling children who have experienced this, and their lives would have gone an awful lot better if these steps had been followed… instead of what usually happened to them (either they were not believed or they were believed and told to be quiet so they didn’t get anyone else in trouble or accused of being the cause of the situation).

8 11 2011
Sam's Mom

YES YES YES. A thousand times yes.
And as parents we need to educate ourselves to possible “signs” our child/niece/nephew/neighbor is being abused. Changes in behavior, avoiding eye contact, avoiding touching, a desire to be alone, violent outbursts, etc. etc. the list goes on and on and on. Just as we must start talking about drugs when the child exists the womb we need to talk about this. Silence is a Rapist’s best friend.

8 11 2011
Scooping it up

Why are we all synched up and stuff today? I like your list. 🙂

8 11 2011
Jan Wilberg

Absolutely!! The failure to protect just flabbergasts me. Ache for those kids.

9 11 2011

I had no idea! (no tv or newspapers in this house). OMG! Excellent step by step guide by the way.

10 11 2011

Yes. But step two needs some bits about hitting the rapist with something heavy/sharp/spiky/etc. Multiple times.

12 11 2011
Denise Nutt-Beers

Please. Now! THANK YOU!

12 11 2011
Cynthia Anne Womack

Some response needs to be made about the perpetrators who are also underage,the assailants who have been victims themselves,the difference between those who deliberately hurt and status offenders and/or people who behave VERY inappropriately but with no attempt to inflict physical or mental harm.

A person may not choose his desires but abusing a position of trust with ANYone is a choice he can refuse to make-even if he has to get professional help to do the right thing.

Sometimes,the child feels confused because he did like/love/respect/pity the offender. Maybe,he gained some positive things from the relationship. Perhaps,he thinks disclosure would “cause trouble”,upset loved ones,curtail his freedom and label him as “damaged goods”.

The child needs to know that this abuse is NOT about sexuality.

The sin comes from putting one’s own lusts ahead of the welfare of a vulnerable person.

These children (or anyone who has suffered sexual assault) need to know that they are not ‘lawful prey’ because they were weak or stupid.

They need confirmation that intimacy,trust,sexual feelings,etc. are normal and good.

The fact that some people have distorted and misused the most precious aspects of life (faith,friendship,group identity,ambition,etc.) doesn’t mean we
have to give up everything that matters in life to the predators,the scammers and every other kind of exploiter.

We don’t need to minimize the hurts and the dangers but we can’t let the demons have the victory by surrendering all our lives to the anger and fear that comes from assuming that their behavior has to define OUR world.

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