The Loop-Hole of Culpability – Clarification

15 01 2012

On Friday, I wrote this post with a short time-line and a heart full of grief.

For the last couple of days it has been tickling the back of my brain.

In a desire to ensure that I wasn’t misuderstood, I want to be perfectly clear.

The loop-hole of Culpability involves NO BLAME.  I am sympathetic to any parent who loses a child under any circumstance.  My first thought when I hear about a tragedy is actually for the family.  But my second thought is for my own kids.  As my friend said, “What is the take home?”  I look for the reasons, the differences, the small trivial details to focus on so I can trick myself into believing that my kids are absolutely safe.

In my original post I talked about smoke detectors, and large, busy families, and bad neighborhoods.  The tragic death of children due to fires, or choking or drive-by shootings is, just that, tragic.  The parents are in no way to blame.  But we have smoke detectors, a small family, and are lucky to live in a “good” neighborhood.  And I want to believe (although I know it is not true) that these factors will keep my kids safe.

The loop-hole allows me to sleep better at night.  The loop-hole allows me to breath and function and think about anything other than, “life is fragile and I could lose my children at any moment in time.”




2 responses

15 01 2012

I understood you. I am so sorry for your friends family. Just terrible.

16 01 2012

I know what you meant. You look for something–anything–that might be there in that situation that is not present in your life that you can cling to as a talisman to hold up and say see this? This is the magical thing that means that that particular tragedy won’t happen to ME and my kids. I understood you weren’t looking to blame anyone, but rather looking for a way to reassure yourself that this couldn’t happen to you. Hell, I do that all the time. It’s a way of protecting yourself from what you know is unbearable pain.

My heart goes out to your friend’s family.

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