A Rock and A Hard Place

13 05 2013

What if you had to chose between bringing your newly adopted Haitian son home to the USA sooner, or being able to tell the truth about a fake adoption agency exploiting Haitian women, innocent children and hopeful Prospective Adoptive Parents?

What if you were having to pay almost $9,000 of your adoption expenses for a second time because you were unwilling to turn your back on corruption?

What if your son, stuck in Haiti, had a variety of health issues that you were struggling to get to the bottom of and the people who held the answers refused to give them to you?

What if the Haitian courts ordered those people to give you back the documents that were rightfully yours and they refused?

Would you take the easy route?

Would you lay in bed with the covers over your head and give up?

Would you fight?

Oh, how I want to believe I would fight.

I am honored to know a woman who is fighting.

She needs our help.

Click here to read her story.  Click here to see how bad it can be.  Click here to see what we can do as a community to support this warrior mother.  Click here to see we can do to get Baby AJ home sooner and still expose evil.

 

 





My Presents For Me

20 11 2012

I made a list of presents I plan to give myself this holiday season.

It might be the most over-used adage in the mommy blog–o-sphere, but if you don’t take care of yourself, you can’t take care of your family.  So these are presents for ME, but they will probably be gifts to the whole family.

1)  Four appointments with a Personal Trainer between TDay and New Years.

  • I actually have about nine appointments pre-paid from last winter.  But I broke up with my trainer after three visits and haven’t been able to get back on that horse. (How is that for mixed metaphors – apparently my trainer was both my significant other and a barnyard animal?)

2)  Send money, a letter and pictures to a “Searcher.”

  • Last year at this time, I was given the name of a man in Ethiopia used by a few of my friends.  He has aided them for years.  I contacted him.  He got back to me promptly.  I froze.  I am afraid to open this door.  But I know better than to leave it shut.

3)  Find an Attachment Specialist Councilor and meet with this person face-to-face.

  • Yes, we have been so, so, so lucky in the attachment department.  But it is time to take a hard look at some of our unhealthy family dynamics.  I think the attachment lens will work best to get a clear picture of the correct path for moving forward.

4)  Kick the Diet Coke habit.

  • I promised I would give this gift to myself for my birthday.  Then lots of things shifted in our extended families and I needed my number one crutch to get through the day.  Time to kick aspartame to the curb.  I feel it is melting my brain.

5)  Eat Raw Foods

  • I think I can handle this one day a week, every week, for the first three weeks of December.  Is Diet Coke considered raw?

6)  Organize MY closet.

  • Moved into this house 16 months and 2 weeks ago.  Still haven’t organized MY closet.

7)  Read at least HALF of Karyn Purvis’ book and HALF of Patti Cogan’s book.

  • I own the damn things, might as well read them.




Personal Invitation

16 10 2012

Dear Friend,

I am having luck getting people to participate in the communication/adoption research that I blogged about here when I ask them personally.  However, as far as I can tell, YOU haven’t decided that you want to participate.

So, consider this YOUR personal appeal.

Did I scare YOU off when I said we needed to find a wide variety of families?  Sorry.  If YOU don’t participate, I won’t actually have a wide variety.

If you have particular reservations, maybe you could send Leslie an email and ask her any questions you have.  I did have one person ask me about the anonymity of the research.  That is a great question.  I have to say, I just assumed it would be anonymous as I feel confident that this researcher understands APs desires to protect their families privacy.  But that would be a very legitimate thing to establish with Leslie before agreeing to the interview.

As for me, my interview is Friday and I am really looking forward to it.  She says it will take between 30 minutes and 45 minutes.  Who wants to bet I go on and on for at least an hour?  You are right, when you say 2 hours, HOWEVER, I scheduled the time so I HAVE to go pick the kids up at pre-school.

I am going to re-paste Leslie’s original email below.  If you decide you want to participate, just give her a call or send her an email.  All her contact info is included.

Thanks,

SFM

My name is Leslie Nelson and I am a Master’s student in the Department of Communication here at the University of Missouri. I got your contact information from Dr. Colleen Colaner, who is my advisor and support for a research study I am embarking on for this semester! I am conducting a study that examines communication in adoptive families in which the child is of a differing ethnicity or cultural background. Specifically, I am interested in if and how the child’s ethnic identity or cultural background becomes a part of adoptive families’ overarching family identity (from the parent’s perspective). With this, I was wondering if you know of any adoptive parents who may be interested in getting interviewed? If so, feel free to pass on my contact information (listed below)! I would greatly appreciate any and all help!

Thank you so much in advance!

-Leslie Nelson
lrnm9c@mail.missouri.edu
402-676-1988





Need You To Read – Can’t Think Of Important Title

12 10 2012

Last month, I was lucky enough to accidentally meet another adoptive mother.  She also happens to be a professor at University of Missouri and specializes in researching adoption.

The day after we met I sent her an email with a whole list of things I thought she needed to study.  She immediately blocked me from ever sending her another email.  She actually was really nice about.  She said she had a graduate student working with her this term who might want to interview me for a research project she is working on  (not one that I suggested, but hey).

Cool, right?

Well, guess what?  She needs to interview about 20 transracial/transcultural families formed through adoption

I told her I had at least 20 friends who would be interested in working on this.

It only requires a 30-45 minute phone interview during which she only needs to speak with one of the parents in the family.  She is hoping to conduct the interviews in the next couple of weeks.

Now, here is the part where I play scientist….  I think, and Leslie (the woman conducting the research) agreed, that the study would be best if it represented lots of different types of families.  For example, let’s try and find her families that adopted infants. Let’s try and find her families that only adopted older children.  Let’s try and find her families that adopted domestically.  Let’s try and find her families that adopted from EVERY country.  Let’s try and find her families that adopted through foster care.  Let’s try and find her families whose adoption was at least in part motivated by fertility issues.  Let’s find her families whose adoption was not motivated by fertility issues.  Let’s try and find her single parents that have adopted.  Let’s try and find her adoptive families formed years ago, and others that have just formed recently.

I think you probably got my point by now.

And, I think, most importantly, and probably the most tricky, we need to find her families who are NOT super involved in online communities or other AP related activities.  Because only then will she have a valid sampling of adoptive families.  Which means you may need to personally ask friends of yours.

Because I want to make sure I am as popular and influential as I think that I keep my promise to her, I am hoping that if you plan to contact Leslie and volunteer to participate, you will either post a comment or send me an email at semiferalmama@yahoo.com .  As many people as want to participate should contact Leslie, I am sure she will be thrilled to have too many volunteers.

This might be a rare opportunity to make adoption better understood, or to help members of the triad in the future, or just to go on and on about your wonderful parenting skills.  Whatever it turns out to be, I don’t think you will regret participating.

Below is the email Leslie sent to me with her contact information.

Please feel free to contact her by email or by phone directly.

And please let her know you heard about the research through me.

Thanks.

My name is Leslie Nelson and I am a Master’s student in the Department of Communication here at the University of Missouri. I got your contact information from Dr. Colleen Colaner, who is my advisor and support for a research study I am embarking on for this semester! I am conducting a study that examines communication in adoptive families in which the child is of a differing ethnicity or cultural background. Specifically, I am interested in if and how the child’s ethnic identity or cultural background becomes a part of adoptive families’ overarching family identity (from the parent’s perspective). With this, I was wondering if you know of any adoptive parents who may be interested in getting interviewed? If so, feel free to pass on my contact information (listed below)! I would greatly appreciate any and all help!
Thank you so much in advance!
-Leslie Nelson
402-676-1988

I included this picture just in case you have forgotten how cute my kids are.





Not In My Best Interest

22 05 2012

A friend of mine is advocating for Naomi.  Naomi can not advocate for herself.  Because Naomi is 6-years-old.  And Naomi lives in an orphanage in Thailand.  And Naomi is HIV+.    My friend is holding an on-line auction.  Her goal is to raise awareness about Naomi, and to raise money, so when the right family for Naomi is found, the financial burden of adoption is reduced.

My goal is to get some cool stuff for cheap…

Okay, fine, I will be charitable….

and to raise awareness about Naomi and help her future adoptive parents, whomever they might be, bring her home... (fine, are you happy?)

The auction ends at 8 pm est, WEDNESDAY.  It features a wide variety of items – from adoption books (duh) to electric toothbrushes (if I did not just buy a new one 60 days ago, I would be all over that.)  There are items there you need anyway (iTunes cards and good coffee beans), and other items that will make your home more beautiful (art and picture frames).

So, I guess I will let you in on the action.  Maybe you will out bid me.  Just keep in mind, only 44 more shopping days until my birthday.

This is where you can find what you are looking for.





Grateful

7 04 2012

In three days we generated $552 for three great efforts helping the people of Ethiopia.  Donations exceeded my current ability to match, so I will distribute my match based on percentage to each organization (can you see how I obsess about this type of thing?)

I am honored to “know” such generous people.

Thanks.





Something You Forgot To Do

6 04 2012

Did you forget?

Only six hours left to honor the birthday boy.  Three great chances to do something amazing.

You must believe in education.

You must believe in sustainable agriculture in one of the poorest nations on earth.

You must believe in caring for orphans.

How much did you spend on Easter candy?

Just asking…