730 Days

730 days ago I drank this disgusting beer

on a flight from Chicago, Illinois, USA to Istanbul, Turkey – on route to Addis Ababa, Ethiopia.

Last year, I published my journal word-for-word from that trip.  The trip during which I finally met my son face-to-face and was allowed to bring him back to America with me.  The trip that started five days prior in Oregon, and would end almost two weeks later in Missouri.

In the blink of an eye my life changed….  first visit to one of the poorest nations in the world,  first time holding my son, returning to our new “home” in a state that I previously mocked.

In the blink of an eye his life changed…. first, well, pretty much EVERYTHING.  Except – not his first mother, not his first family, not his first language, not his first home.

This kid,

who is more adaptable than any human being should have to be.

This kid

who rarely slows down.

This kid

who has his own ideas.

This kid

who is stronger than he should be.

This kid

who completed our family.

You can find the entire journal, plus a few supplementary posts about the journal on the far right of the menu at the top of my blog.

Or, you can click here – it takes you to the same place – imagine that.

PLEASE if you are going to read it – read THIS POST FIRST – as it explains my state-of-mind and hopefully excuses my poor writing, and bizarro style.

Travel Journal – May 7, 2010 Final Entry

Friday 3 pm AA Time

On the plane somewhere over Spain taking a more southerly and more time consuming route due to the volcano in Iceland.  LD is sleeping in Jamies’ lap and I have been reading Super Freakonomics.  But I want to get more down on paper because I have already forgotten so much.

Back to Daniel…

He also makes it clear that he A)  needs money and B)  is a Christian.  We crossed the bridge and went to the Co-op and I realized I was basically out of Birr.  They take USD so I bought three necklaces.  I don’t know what I will do with them but they will make nice gifts.

We started back to the Supermarket but I still had no Birr.  I was frustrated because there were many beggars with babies on the bridge and I forgot my Power Bars.  I said I hoped the store would take USD.  Danny said they wouldn’t but I could change it in the store under the bridge.  I am so glad I took the opportunity to go in the tiny, dark, merchandise-rich store.  Once again I almost missed an opportunity to see the real Addis.  The guy seemed to give me a decent rate and we were off to the big store.

On the way, there were four cows on the sidewalk.  I petted one on the head.  Danny said I shouldn’t.  I asked if he thought they were dirty.  He said, “No, dangerous.”  Later three of the four cows meandered past our hotel.  I wonder if the 4^th was in the butcher shop.

I bought baby food, banana gum and Kracks for my nephews.

On the way to the store Danny started talking to us about the bible.  I said he should talk to S, not me.  He asked me, “Not Christian?”  I said, “No, agnostic.”  This started a discussion between S and I about the definition of agnostic.  It is always nice when a conversation like that can take place openly.  (NOTE:  A couple of weeks after arriving home I had something fortuitous happen to me and I heard S’s voice in my head say, ‘”Isn’t Jesus awesome?” – Quite sure S and I would not have become friends had it not been for adoption.  What an amazing bonus no one tells you about before hand.)

After shopping we had to go to the adoption agency’s office to pick up more documents.  One group of people had to leave straight for the airport.  There was a major car accident at “the intersection” that made us late and people stressed – but in the end all was well.

A discussion about the merits of Rush Limbaugh took place in our van. I was in the front seat so I didn’t have to participate.  Poor A.L. was the lone liberal in the back of the van willing to speak up.

Then I had a couple hours to pack, settle our bill, etc…

We left for the airport a little before 7pm  Two vans with people and one just with luggage.  It was pouring rain and “the intersection” was as crazy as we ever saw it.  Once again I videotaped the whole thing only to realize the camera was on pause.  Our van was M/J/M/M plus Jamie, Me and Little Dude.  The traffic was terrible all over the city and M was starting to lose it.  J (another adopting Dad, M’s husband) just got funny.  When we got to the airport we had to wait for the whole group – which only made sense because of the luggage, but was difficult.  Eventually we all moved out and I took an “alpha” role for the first time on the entire trip. (NOTE:  I am sure some of my fellow travelers might disagree.  But for me, I know I spent a week trying not to “lead.”  Of course that doesn’t mean that I didn’t just go my own way at times.)

Our plane wasn’t leaving until 1:15 am so we had lots of time to kill.

We couldn’t even go to the Turkish Air Desk until 10:20.  They seemed shocked that I didn’t have a ticket for Little Dude.  Even though they wouldn’t let me buy one when I booked the tickets.  Strange but normal by Ethiopian standards.

After getting our boarding passes we had to wait in another line and I saw a guy with ritual scaring on his face.  It was actually pretty cool.  Little Dude was falling asleep, then screaming in a panicky way and waking up.  They moved us to the front of the line – which was great.

Jamie has filled out every single form for me which has been so helpful.  I could not have done any of this without her.  On the other hand, Little Dude is pretty attached to her and it is going to suck that he won’t be seeing her.  I wish there was a manual for attachment and early life trauma so you could know if you were doing the right or wrong things.

After getting through the “exit Visa” line we got to shop.  The thing about souvenirs in Ethiopia, yes, some are cheesy, but for the most part the cultural/traditional items are still used routinely, which makes them super cool.  However, I still wasn’t in buying mode (a combination of the move and seeing what it really means to go without may have cured my shopping habit.)

I did have a yummy ice cream bar which was my first meal since lunch. Eventually we got on the plane and took off.  We had three seats so that helped. But LD was restless so I didn’t sleep really well.

I did wake up and look out the window somewhere over Egypt. You could see the lights of cities with absolutely nothing in between.  We had sunrise over the Mediterranean but it was too bright to keep the shades up.

When we got to Istanbul we were like “Oh we know what line to go in.” because on the way to AA we waited in one line, had to go in the other, than go back to the first.  So we waited – turns out there was now a third line for people going to the US that we were suppose to go to first.  Oops – it was a security line.  I wonder if it is new because of what happened in Times Square?  Then we went back to the other line.  You could tell they were having a problem figuring out our tickets.  I was trying not to panic.  Turns out if would have been helpful if we gave them LD’s ticket!!  Jamie’s first mistake.

Then we went to line #3 and met up with pushy (literally) people.  After cutting in line they were actually shoving us.  I finally snapped.  After, I felt bad thinking they might have a tight connection – then we saw them shopping an hour later.  I guess they were the jags I thought they were.

The warnings on the cigarette packages are a little different here than what we are used to.

We tried to arrange a tour of Istanbul but didn’t have enough time.  Probably better in the end to do more walking in the airport.

We put LD in a cart and pushed him around until he fell asleep.

Finally we boarded what is my final flight.  The plane is pretty packed and we have no empty seats next to us.  We still have a long ways to go (9hours, 20 minutes)  I like watching our progress on the map screens but it freaks me out when we are about to go over the ocean.

I imagined that my sister was planning a “Welcome Little Dude” party at the airport.  It turns out she didn’t even know when we were landing.  So it will probably be the usual with her driving around the airport yelling at me about how long it is taking.  Oh well.  When I talked to her last night I could hear PJ yelling, “Higher, higher, higher.”  Apparently my mother was not pushing her high enough on the swing.  I can’t wait to see her.  (NOTE:  My mother came from Michigan to Chicago to help my sister take care of PJ for the last few days and to meet Little Dude when we arrived home.  We stayed in Chicago less than 24 hours, than headed south as a family of four to our new lives in Missouri.  The kids and I would be seeing our house and new hometown for the first time together.)

I get all weepy when I think about getting home and having SAG and my family meet LD.  I am worried about PJ and all of the upcoming transitions.  Every day of this trip has been such a blur.  I imagine that it must be the stress that is messing with my short-term memory.  I hope I retain the feelings – that is if I ever sort them out.

Travel Journal – May 7, 2010 (1 of 2)

Friday 12:30 am

These folks from our traveling group are about to head back to Ethiopia to do some amazing work. To find out more click on the link directly below.

Link to their project and how you can help.

In the airport waiting to board.

On Monday night when we were leaving the kids at the C.C. I was upstairs and offered to feed Little Dude so they could feed my special needs friend.  L.D. was pretty bored with eating and kept stealing the spoon and chewing on it.  The nannies noticed and started talking about me.  They said Little Dude’s name a bunch of times and were looking at us.  But then they started to whisper.  It was quite funny as they don’t speak any English and I definitely don’t understand Amharic.  Eventually one of them got up and took L.D. away from me so he could be fed “properly.”

Today L.D. and I got up at a reasonable time.  I gave him a bottle.  Eventually we woke Jamie up.

Wow – mush brain.  (Note:  Deja vu – obviously at this point I realized I had already journaled about that incident.  You aren’t crazy, I might have been.)

When Jamie came home from shopping she went down and had lunch.  Little Dude was still sleeping so she said she would stay in the room and I could go to the supermarket for baby food.  I was ready to go when they called us down for a coffee ceremony.

I had a few bites of popcorn.  Our regular desk clerk was wearing beautiful traditional dress.  Of course the TV was on the whole time.

I asked if anyone wanted to go to the supermarket.  S did.  C and St had just come back from the co-op (bead store).  I was thinking of going there too.  S seemed into it, so off we went.  We met up with Daniel who I had heard about before.  He is a young enterprising kid who practices his English with Agency families.

Travel Journal – May 6, 2010

Thursday 1:15 pm

LD is sleeping on the bed.  Jamie is back from shopping and is downstairs eating lunch.  I took a small nap with LD but am awake now.

Last night I got out our flight itinerary… holy smokes.  We leave at 1:15 am.  We have a 5 hour flight to Istanbul.  We get there at 6:20 am and don’t leave until 11:20 am.  That is an 11hr 55 min flight arriving in Chicago at 3:15 pm.

Poor Jamie than has a 5 hour layover before her 5 hour flight back to Portland.  Thinking about it made me feel very anxious and guilty – which is silly.  We were so removed from the flight process the whole time.  That’s probably why it got screwed up in the beginning.  When you look at the flight itinerary there is no doubt you are on the opposite side of the planet.

This morning I saw a group of the garbage guys ripping open the bags in their cart.  I wonder what they were looking for.

Little Dude and I sat on our balcony this morning watching the world go by.  Sometimes someone will spot us and wave.

There is a little bird who has been here since the first day.  He tries to come in our window.  (NOTE:  He would stand on the balcony pecking at the glass.)

This morning was uneventful.  Apparently the water has been off most of the day but I snuck in a shower at the right time.  (NOTE:  Apparently we had the nicest room, softest beds and best bathroom of anyone in our traveling group.  I would recommend the Union Hotel and I would recommend asking for room 207.)

LD and I went down to eat lunch a little after 11 am.  He ate a jar of baby food, some baby mush, some soup and fell asleep in my lap.  We came upstairs and I put him in the Moses basket.  He slept in it for awhile and I dozed off.  But he woke up so I got him and put him on the bed with me.  He went back to sleep on my chest.

I have pretty low energy right now and am worried about when SAG goes back to work on Monday.  I guess it is good that I have been going without caffeine because I am going to need it.  So far LD seems  healthy besides a cold.  I am afraid he has a bit of an ear infection.  I may give him motrin before we get on the plane.

Travel Journal – May 5, 2010

(NOTE:  This post picks up half-way through the journal entry I made Wednesday night, when I stopped talking about Tuesday and started writing about Wednesday.)

Weds 9 pm

Today was another holiday so the traffic was light in the morning.  Still, L.D. was up about 5:20 am.  Lucking Jamie got me a diet coke yesterday so I had that as an option.

He is the most active of the young kids in our group.

We ate breakfast downstairs with the goal of going to the the Care Center slightly before 10 am for the Good-bye Ceremony.

LD and I were the first to arrive at the CC.  They had it set up beautifully with a coffee ceremony and cake, cookies, soda, etc…

They took me into a baby room I had not seen before to get LD dressed in his ceremonial outfit.  But then they saw he didn’t have a t-shirt on. 

(NOTE:  He had a shirt on, but not a onesie under his shirt.  Just like in many other countries, they really bundle the babies in lots of layers.)

So I had to run back to the hotel to get a onesie… Fortunately S had one in her bag so I didn’t have to come all the way upstairs.  LD did NOT want me to leave him with the nannies.  He was crying and never quite recovered.

He looked beautiful but felt lousy.

(NOTE:  I really think the way our Agency handles the transition from Care Center to adoptive parents is great.  The gradual process of meeting your kids but leaving them at the Care Center.  Which over the course of a few days goes to you taking primary care of them but them still spending a little time at the Care Center probably eases the transition for MOST kids.  It certainly worked well for Little Dude.  In five days he fully transferred his allegiance from them to ME.) 

We were both in full body sweat mode and he wanted to take a nap.  I had the nannies bring me a bottle which helped – but only temporarily.

LD and I dressed appropriately for ceremony.

There was a bible reading about Moses and some praying.  I was crying about all of it.  There was a ceremonial cake cutting which I also got wrong (didn’t have LD’s hand on the knife).

The Sister telling me I needed to put his hand ON the KNIFE. Having gone to Catholic High School I am used to having nuns correcting my behavior.

Then the nannies and staff fed us cake, and drinks and popcorn and coffee.  We should be waiting on them – not the other way around.

All the kids waiting - for cake and orange soda.

The videographer asked us to say something about our Agency but I couldn’t talk without crying.

Already showing my inability to control this child.

LD makes the best out of the group photo situation.

Eventually it was time to leave the kids there for lunch and nap.  By that time I had stripped LD down to a onesie and he felt better.

Tired of sweating, I break all cultural rules by stripping Little Dude (and myself) down to the bare minimum. That is a dress I am wearing, not a slip.

(Note:  another perfect example of my journal saying one thing, but my memories telling a different version.  The going away ceremony was a nightmare.  LD and I were both in full-body sweats the whole time.  I hated watching a bunch of young toddlers eat cake and drink bottles of soda.  I felt bad for the woman doing the coffee ceremony as it seemed at that point we were all coffee-ceremonied out.  The fact that I couldn’t talk to a video camera when doing on camera interviews about emotional issues has been a cornerstone of my career was testament to just what an emotional wreck I was.)

We headed out for shopping and lunch.

Shopping was okay.  The tiny stores they took us to had cool stuff but it was way too crowded with the big group and the prices were high and random.  I did get some stuff I like.

Lunch was a bit of a nightmare.  Apparently one of the cooks at the restaurant was out sick.  Our lunches came out one at a time.  Mine was first.  Some people’s took well over an hour to come.  We stopped at a coffee store after lunch.  I did not go in, just bought bracelets from a street vendor.  (Note:  what I remember most about this is staying in the van with one other mother and having women begging at the windows.  The other mother and I got in a discussion about how we felt about giving the Ethiopian women money or food or nothing.  This is something I struggle with… I just don’t know the right answer.)

When we finally got home I went straight over and got LD.

We ended up having a bit of a baby party in our room.  And I discovered that LD is a biter.

Eventually we went down to dinner after 7 pm.  This was a mistake as LD was already losing it.  Finally I just brought him upstairs and Jamie brought up our pizzas when they were ready.

We should have split a pizza – as we each only ate ½ and there is a full pizza going bad on our table.  It is shameful to waste food anywhere – but especially so here.

LD fell asleep drinking his bottle.  We had to wake him up to take his meds.  He really fought us – poor kid.  Then I just held him until he fell asleep again.

A group of people are going to do a little more shopping tomorrow.  Jamie is going to go.  I will be staying here.

Travel Journal – May 4, 2010

(NOTE:  I didn’t record anything in my journal on Tuesday, May 4th due to a very full day, finally having Little Dude staying with me and a power outage.  But I thought I would post this to my blog a day early, since I have another Wednesday May 5th journal entry written at the end of the day.)

Weds 9:30 am (NOTE: Written May 5)

Yesterday we took “possession” of our kids and the power was out last night so I am a day behind recording my thoughts.  I have been super emotional the last few days.  I think it is a touch of pms, over-whelmed, not wanting to go back to Missouri, etc…

Yesterday we went and got the kids at 8:30 am.  They let all the toddlers downstairs as well.  I am a little unclear why.

Was this to encourage toddler adoption in the future?  Was this their normal time to play?  It was complete chaos.

One little girl was so angry.  She kept sort of indicating she wanted Jamie or I to pick her up.  Then she would hold us super tight about the neck but her body was stiff and she was half yelling.  I just kept telling her, “Don’t worry, your Mama is coming.”  (NOTE:  This is a perfect example of one of those things I just touched on in my journal but have thought about non-stop this year.  How is this girl doing?  How are her new parents?  Did she get placed in a home that would have the time and resources to meet her needs?  Does my agency match with these issues, potential serious attachment challenges, in mind?)

I changed Little Dudes clothes and brought him back to the hotel.

We took a few pics outside then headed up to our room.

Other families in our group - Fate? Faith? there is no doubt...

... these families seem meant to be together.

Fortunately, we have the deluxe suite so it is a great place to relax with plenty of room for my super active baby to explore.  Just like the head nurse in Durame indicated, he likes to go, go, go.

Exploring Jamie's collection of empty water bottles

A., M., and S came to hang out in our room.  We gave away some clothes that are too small.  Jamie and A. went out to shop and S and Little Dude fell asleep on their new Mama’s.

We ate an early lunch – I ordered rice and veggies for LD and I made him baby cereal.  I ate cream of vegetable soup and most of his rice.

Then it was off to the Embassy.

First we sat outside on some benches.  Then we went through a metal detector and found our way into a waiting room that had playground equipment.  All the people in the room were adoptive parents.  We had to wait to get called upstairs.  We were the first family to go from our Agency.  But they called G… (husband and children’s last name) not M.. (my last name) and I missed it until the girl from our Agency came downstairs.

(NOTE:  The journal entry ends there.  I picked back up at 9 pm that night.)

Weds 9 pm

There was still a long wait at the Embassy.  I talked to some families NOT with my agency.  It was interesting to hear how different some of the experiences are.  I really think my agencies’ program is exceptional.  By the end of the time at the embassy I was pretty “over it.”

I am sick of “group” everything.

After the Embassy we stopped at the pharmacy.  Little Dude and a few other kids needed Rx filled.  Turns out the pharmacist told me the wrong dose and we have been giving LD too much amoxicillian.

After the pharmacy we came back to the hotel.  LD slept in the car going and coming back but not while we were there.  LD is a fan of baby food and bottles.. This is so strange.  (NOTE:  Strange compared to PJ who never accepted a bottle and only ate about 10 jars of baby food before moving on to finger foods.  However, to do our best to ensure attachment we fed baby food to LD for about a month after he got home – until he refused.  And we still give him bottles.)

Giving him the meds sucked, fortunately I have a motrin syringe here which really helped.

While it was clear he was smart from the beginning, we did actually open the jars for him and feed the food to him.

I was washing my hands, fully soaped when the water and power went off.  Eventually we went downstairs and ate dinner by candlelight.

After dinner we got Little Dude ready for bed, gave him a bottle and he fell asleep on my chest.

Actually he rested on my chest until he was just about to sleep then squirmed off and slept next to me.

Of course I had a lousy night’s sleep.  Going to bed at 8:15 pm does not work for me.

Bonus Travel Post – Monday Afternoon?

At some point during the week – I believe it was Monday afternoon, Jamie and I took a walk around our Addis neighborhood.  We went past the Fistula Hospital made famous in the book The Hospital By The River by Catherine Hamlin. And turned into an alley just before an Orthodox church.  I don’t know why I never journaled about this walk.

This short walk certainly felt like one of my more authentic Addis experiences.  I wish I had a guide to tell me if what we were seeing was typical of the neighborhoods in and around Addis.

While a number of these pics have appeared on my blog as Wordless Weds or Sunday Snapshot entries, I wanted to put them in context of our trip.

Gates to Orthodox Church.

Inside the church gates.

Typical Addis? I wish I knew.

Beautiful girls

A woman was sorting these coffee beans. I showed her my camera and asked if I could take her photo. She ran into her home. I have wondered since if I should not have taken a picture of the beans.

One of my favorite pictures from the entire trip.

Travel Journal – May 3, 2010 (2 of 2)

Monday 9:15 pm

Apparently I am ill – as of 5 minutes ago.  I hope this is temporary and short lived.  Not sure if I should start with the Cipro immediately or wait a few hours and see if I really need it.  (NOTE:  Completely temporary – yay for me!)

This afternoon we got to hang out at the Care Center again.  Sister Martha was there for the first time.  I asked her how many kids were there currently and she said 64!!  All of those kids except three that are medical cases are already matched.

I doubt my friend from the baby room is matched.  I got him out of bed again today and took him to the window to look out.  He wanted to go out on the porch but I couldn’t squeeze between the cribs to get us both outside.  When I put him back in his bed, he cried.  Soon a nanny got him out to feed him.  I told Jamie I didn’t think I was getting attached to him, but right now I have a panicky feeling that I am.  Damn.   (NOTE:  This boy’s picture appeared as a waiting child in our Agency’s magazine months after we came home.  I try not to think about him.)

What laundry for 64 babies and young children looks like.

Little Dude was crawling all around the parlor room today.  A couple times he went over to the window and looked out.  He also was huffing on the window.  He engaged with the other kids and some other parents as well.  Twice he tried to crawl up the stairs.  When all the other babies/kids are winding down and ready to eat or sleep be is getting reved up and ready to party.

I had a long talk with Sr. Martha about his age.  She showed me where the mistake is on his original paperwork.  So they have been treating him like he is 5 months younger than he is the whole time he has been here.  She says it isn’t unusual for them to believe an age is wrong, but that the Adoption agency says they should not change it.  (NOTE:  I understand this policy and know how if you do not have a clear rule about this everybody will change ages based on their own opinions.  The Agency gave us his CORRECT age from the beginning.  This was NOT an attempt to trick anyone, this was a clerical error.) 

When we took LD upstairs for dinner, I ended up feeding him.  He was given baby cereal.  I shouldn’t freak out because he is obviously doing okay and I will have him home in three days.  In fact, as of 8:30 am tomorrow he will be fully in my care.

I have been enjoying my childless time.  Today I missed PJ for the first time.  I saw a really little kid running and tried to compare his age to PJ’s,  Then I thought about how she always announces that she is running when she runs and that made me miss her.

Me in the streets of Durame

This morning in Durame I hung out with the kids in the street.  They love to have you take their pictures and of course they ask you for money.  One kid was very cheeky.  At the very end I gave him 10 birr.  That is still a pathetic $1.  His younger brother had a bunch of flies on his face constantly.  He was probably about 8 and able to swat them away but didn’t, very odd. (NOTE:  When I read this it makes it sound like I made him beg for the money.  I really didn’t.  I swear.  But these interactions are a bit strange.  It is hard to tell if the kids really want to be interacting with you, or if they are just doing it to get money/food.  In which case, I would rather just give them the food/money – they do not need to perform.) 

We stopped at an Adoption Agency supported medical center, Shinshicho.  Agency pays the salary of an M.D. who works there.  Apparently most medical centers have no doctor on staff.

They showed us the deliver room – there was a box of HIV tests laying out on the desk.  They showed us some of the other physical improvements Agency has paid for at the center.

They told us they see 200-300 patients a day.  Most cases are malaria or T.B.

I started to tell M how I was thinking of asking for donations in lieu of gifts on our adoption announcements and I started crying.  I ended up being weepy all day.  Eventually I figured out part of the problem was PMS – still, I am tired, nervous about what comes next, doubting myself because I have been so flaky lately.

I think I get emotional about the adoption announcement because 1)  I know I should ask for donations but I would also like gifts. 2)  I feel worried about what people will think about our adoption decision … All of that makes me feel like a bad person and a bad mother.

I have also been feeling guilty when all the families are together and I lose track of or stop paying attention to LD.  Of course the other families have two parents sharing the load.  When we finally took LD upstairs, I decided to stay and help feed him – mostly because my other friend was in the bed crying and I wanted the nanny to take care of him.

Little Dude got bored of eating the rice cereal pretty quick.  He kept stealing the spoon from me and playing with it.  Eventually the nannies started talking about us.  They were saying his name and whispering as if I could understand Amharic.  Eventually one of them took LD away from me so they could feed him “properly.”  It was pretty funny.

There is another small baby named Little Dude in the same room.  He seems to stay in his bed most of the time.  Tonight I also saw the room with the youngest babies.  There are some pretty small ones here.

A young boy named Thomas Brown decided to join our party tonight.  I like that the nannies are indulgent.  I did NOT like that there is a big flat screen TV on in the room that Little Dude stays in. (NOTE:  Thomas Brown was adopted by a great blogger.  I was hoping to share her blog on here but apparently she has been offline so hasn’t been able to give me her permission.  Thomas is one of those human’s whose internal light shines so bright he immediately makes an impression.  Meeting Thomas made me feel more confident about adopting Little Dude.)

We finally left there at about 6:30 pm.

Jamie and I walked up to the supermarket for the 1^st time.  Walking is intense because it is dark, the sidewalks are falling apart and there is enough human traffic that you have to constantly navigate.

The supermarket was interesting the way groceries in foreign countries always are.

They have “security”/customer service people in almost every aisle.  When I was carrying formula and rice cereal one attendant brought me a basket.

When we went to check out Jamie was in line in front of me.  We both had our stuff on the fairly short checkout stand.  A young woman came and got in line in front of me.  Neither Jamie or I said anything.  The teller didn’t say anything either, but when she finished with Jamie’s, she rang me up next.  Then when I was finishing paying the woman was like” hey, I forgot something” left her stuff on the counter and walked away.  The whole thing was odd.

When we got back from the store we sat down with the group for a beer and some dinner.  We didn’t sit near our normal crowd, although that was also nice. Eventually it was just Jamie, D, another M and I.  We ended up laughing pretty hard about a few random things.  Also, I talked C into giving me her shirt.

“Enjoy the present condition and do enjoyable.”

I will buy a bottle of wine for R to take to here – but I also will eventually send her a shirt/sweatshirt from home.

I said today I would like to go home for 24 hours then come back.  I just need a short break.  The ride home from Durame was intense.

Our drivers go fast and don’t have tons of patience for all the livestock in the streets.  We never hit anything but we came close.

Eventually I was trying to touch animals out my window and our driver was trying to help me reach.

I asked if we could stop and take pics of the tukuls, Tesfaye said that they used to do that and the homeowners got mad.

I saw lots of women at wells today and also washing clothes in muddy rivers.

In one river there were three naked boys splashing around while (I assume) their mothers washed clothes.

I get sad when I see what appears to be children caring for children.  Tesfaye told me the way Adoption Agency prioritizes families for their family preservation programs is based on child-led families, single moms, both parents with no resources.  They currently have 240 families in 18-month programs.

I have also learned lots about the Uganda program from C and D.  Since adoption is nearly impossible preservation and returning kids to birth families is even more important.  The lack of the word adoption makes things extra confusing, there.  If a family is truly hoping for support through foster care versus life time placement it is crucial to establish that early.  So far only two children have been placed and six others have been matched.

Travel Journal – May 3, 2011 (1 of 2)

Monday, 2pm

I fell asleep writing last night so now I will try to remember two days – both eventful and emotional.

In general I am not bothered by seeing the kids working the animals but every once in a while I saw a very young (2-4??) year old kid by the road by himself – I just felt, “I am done with Africa.”  But I rallied.  Lots of little boys don’t wear pants.  It seems to be when they are of the potty training age.

We stopped for drinks in Butajira and despite going to the bathroom before we got back in our van – I still had to go a short time later.  I held it for miles but we were stopped in one town waiting for the third van for awhile.  There was a decent looking hotel across the street so I asked T if I could go.  He escorted me – there was a meeting of some sort and he knew all the men.  Apparently this is the town, Hosaina, where T went to high school.  The bathroom was disgusting. (NOTE:  Sparing you the exact description – which I for some reason included in my journal.  Trust me, I am pretty tough when it comes to these things and yuck.)

I washed my hands at the sink in the hotel courtyard.  The men (at the sink) and I tried to chat.  They said, “Kambatinga?”  I said, “English.”  I told them Ethiopia was Konjo.  They said I was Konjo. (NOTE:  In some ways this felt like my most authentic experience of the entire trip… and I am not just saying that because they called me beautiful.)

Back on the vans we wound our way up a mountain and finally into Durame.  The hotel is pretty scary.  I had spaghetti for lunch.   All the food has the same spice in it.  Fortunately I like the flavor.  Finally it was time to go to Agency’s Durame offices and meet the families and finders.

After orientation we went in groups (to meet our childrens’ special people) – because there were only three interpreters.  I was in the second group.

I could tell M (Little Dude’s special person) was as nervous as me.  Agency gives them a bowl and a grass bouquet to give us.  He looked uncomfortable holding it – so I took it right away and set it on the desk.  This bothered the interpreter.  Also, I thought I introduced myself and said how grateful I was.  Then the interpreter told me to start… so I asked my first question.  He told me it would be customary for me to introduce myself first.  Oops, I thought I had!  Being “wrong” made me more nervous.  I guess I got the answers I wanted… (NOTE:  Sorry readers, but I can’t post some of what I wrote next in an effort to preserve our families’ privacy.)

Now that I am writing this I realize I should have asked for more, more, more details.  But as the afternoon developed I did learn more.  M. was disappointed I did not bring a photo of LD for him.  I will send some right away.  (Note:  I did not find out I would meet M until about 48 hours before I left Oregon.  This was part of my big fight with my agency.  Therefore I did not bring photos.)

I told M, who was wearing a Bob Marley shirt, that I also liked Bob Marley – he said it was his friend’s shirt.  He didn’t know who Bob Marley was.  Strike Three.

When we finished the meeting I also messed up the good-bye gesture.  Apparently he was going for a handshake – shoulder bump – bow.   I thought he was going for the Ethiopian triple kiss. We also did an Ethiopian style hand kiss, which was nice.

Then I got my camera and was able to show him pictures of LD.  He was so excited.  He knew it was him from the birthmark.  He was covering his mouth in delight, then touching his cheek where the birthmark is.  Then thanking me over and over.

He and I went inside and he had a cup of coffee.  I showed him some video of LD.  It was uncomfortable, unnatural and stuffy in the room.  So he and I went back outside.  (NOTE:  I can’t believe I described this so minimally in my journal.  The first families and adoptive families that had already met were all sitting there with no way to communicate.  No one knew it was okay to show them the pics on our cameras and videocameras – until I started doing it… yep, that’s me breaking rules and blazing trails.  This time I could smell the coffee, or imagined I could.  It was so incredibly awkward I HAD to go outside.  M. seemed like he would be happy to get up and out of the room as well.  I was trying to be polite, respectful and somehow use sign language to say, “Don’t you want to get the hell out of this little room?”  I think in this case he knew where I was coming from.)

There was an older lady on the grass who he was checking in with.  I figured out she was his mother.  I showed her pictures of LD and she started crying.  She picked grass and put it on my arm.  M brushed it off – clearly embarrassed.  But I was thrilled.  It showed me the reality of what they told us in the interpreter meeting – that grass is a symbol of connection and gratitude, of covenant and binding together.

We took pictures of the three of us.

Oh how I wish I could show you a photo of Mama M's face. Konjo.

Eventually there was a group prayer and a group photo – than we left.

There were two stories told to the families at the meeting – one was they would have to come to the office to get photos and letter.  One was that materials would be brought to them.  I am not sure what is right but I plan to send photos and I hope, hope, hope M and Mama M get them.

Next we walked to the Durame Care Center.  The buildings are nice.  The orphanage just moved here a couple months ago.  However, the kids are covered in ringworm and flies.  The ratio of nannies was clearly lower than in Addis.  Many of the babies looked malnourished.  There was one baby in the “special needs” room who was rocking.

They do have playground equipment.  I let a little girl steal my glasses and felt terrible stealing them back at the end.  But I know she would not have been able to keep them anyway. (Note:  I am prone to migraines that seem to be started by bright-light.  So I have to have good sunglasses with me.  Do I sound high-maintenance enough?  Yes, high-maintenance and willing to take things from orphans – that is me.)

This Care Center made me feel like I was “saving” a kid.  (Note:  Remember you are giving me the benefit of the doubt.  I am not saying I wanted to feel that way.  I am saying, this was a far cry from the Addis care center.  And even though it was generally impressive, the fact remains that contagious disease runs rampant)

The head nurse showed me where LD slept and told me he was a very fast crawler.  I don’t know how much I believe of what they say.  Sometimes it sucks to be so skeptical.  (NOTE:  I was skeptical about the crib, and only a little about the crawling.  Also, I remember this so perfectly and hardly wrote anything about it.  She was trying to pantomime to me that he would go, go, go.  Then she started talking to another nanny, who got up, looked at the picture on my camera and started laughing.  Then she started pantomiming the same thing, crawl, crawl, crawl.  Anyone who knows Little Dude today knows this is completely accurate.)

After a short visit we went back to the hotel.  I had my first MetaBeer (and my second).  We all hung out in the restaurant, drinking, laughing and talking.  Eventually dinner came.  I had vegetables and rice.

One of my favorite photos from the trip. A nanny making fresh baby food at the Durame Care Center.

Travel Journal – May 2, 2010

Sunday May 2

The dogs took the night off and I slept well.  We had to be ready to leave for Durame at 6:30 am.  So I woke Jamie up at 5:45.  We went downstairs and had breakfast, I ate my typical buffet choice of the scrambled eggs with veggies and a plain crepe.

It is great that I have been getting by with no Diet Coke here.  I did have one yesterday morning – a well timed gift from R.  But that was the only one.

We got in the seafoam green van with M, M and J, plus D.  I got my normal seat behind the driver with control of the window.  (Note:  M, M and J were an adoptive family.  Their daughter M, who was five at the time, was a terrific traveler.  D works with our Agency in Uganda.)

Our vans at our pit stop half-way to Durame.

We left Addis in a direction we haven’t gone before and I learned that is a small river not far from our hotel.  We saw a bottled water plant a textile plant and a place where they are building govt. housing.  It sounds like the families have some buy into the projects and they stay well maintained.

We saw lots of donkeys equipped to carry two 20 gallon (?) yellow jugs of water… Sunday is clearly water delivery day for many places.  We continued south into the countryside.  At one point I thought I identified a barn but I quickly realized it was a type of housing that looks like two box stalls.

As we got into the country we began to see tukuls.  Many have wood sides but others are entirely or partially covered in plaster like material.  Many of them are painted/decorated around their front door.  One common pattern looks like a tree.  Some are multicolor and some with more ornate designs.  I would love to go in one and see what it is like.

We also saw tukul roof “under construction”.  They build the skeleton and leave it upside down on the ground.  I assume they cover it on the ground and then lift the completed roof on to the base.  (Note:  I have since read that there may be a political reason for the shortage of the grasses needed to make the roofs of all these homes we saw that I naively thought were under construction.)

We saw tons of goats, short haired sheep, donkeys, cows.  Sometimes they would not get out of our way and I would try and touch them outside the window.

We saw a few people riding horses and one guy in a Muslim area had his horse completely decorated with red pompoms on his reigns etc… I did not have any luck taking pictures through the window of the moving van.

I liked the donkey drawn carts that a single person would driver.  There were also donkey drawn “taxis.”

We saw lots of very young kids tending livestock near or on the road.

We saw men working teams of oxen with ancient technology ploughs.

Sometimes you would see a communal grazing area and the kids would be hanging out together near the streets.

In villages people were playing ping-pong and foosball.

I keep falling asleep as I write this but I really don’t want to forget a single thing.

Crops we saw growing included tef, maize, false banana, chat and some coffee.

NOTE:  The drive from Addis to Durame takes approximately six hours.  The Kembata region of the Southern Nations, Nationalities and Peoples Region (SNNPR) is actually a naturally fertile area.  However, for a variety of complicated reasons, suffers from extreme poverty and food insecurity.  Some information about Durame can be found here. 

Our American based agency has a relationship with two rural Care Centers.  (Most people prefer the term Care Center to Orphanage because many of the children housed have one or more living parents.)  A child who is in need of a home usually lives in a rural Care Center until he/she is matched with an adoptive family.  Then at some point in the legal process he/she is transferred to a Care Center in Addis Ababa. 

Our Agency arranges for adoptive families to meeting living birth/first family relatives or other people significant in the child’s life whenever possible.  For our Agency, these meetings take place in Durame, the location of one of the rural Care Centers with which they partner.

It is hard to imagine that I did not journal about our hotel room in Durame.  I guess I was NOT acting like a spoiled American.  As you can see from the photo, the room was nice enough.  See my mosquito net draped across my bed.  Yes, I didn’t have a way to tack it to the ceiling and thought, “no big deal.”  I didn’t sleep slept with extra long socks on, fully clothed and essentially wrapped in the net because I am an idiot.  Jamie slept great.  She took anti-malarial meds, duh.

The real problem was the smell in the morning.  Unfortunately this hotel has septic problems.  The smell enters each and every room through the commode.  I don’t care if a bed is rock hard, if a room is dirty, if there are bugs – I like to camp.  But I would never set my sleeping bag up inside a super, unbelievably, nasty outhouse.  I have heard our agency does not use this hotel anymore.  I am sad as the town obviously needs the business and there is probably nothing the proprietors can do about this particular problem.  But it was a VERY real problem.  I have no idea how Jamie took that second picture and stayed conscious.